I had an interesting thing happen today. I was obligated to volunteer in the art gallery where I have some work up for sale, but the weather was absolutely treacherous.
I found myself really torn about whether to risk my own safety in order to fill this obligation.
Obligation. That’s a pretty heavy word. Like you’re TIED to something; you OWE it, OR ELSE.
So I sat with this, and I realized that for whatever reason, the need to NOT LET OTHERS DOWN still resides in me.
The Fear of Being Judged; of Disappointing someone; of not being held in High Regard.
Not wanting to upset anyone; not holding up to others’ expectations, and on and on.
Here are the 100%s:
This stems from childhood trauma (and ancestral patterns). I need to address this with my Inner Child, and do some healing around it.
Being Aware of these “internal goings on” aid tremendously in the healing process. Self-Awareness is key. You can’t heal it if you’re not aware of it.
I have the choice to stay wallowing in ‘whoa is me; why do I feel the need to please everyone? Why haven’t I FIXED this yet??’, OR address the thoughts and feelings, and take responsibility to change these things, both within and without, LITTLE BY LITTLE; WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP OVER IT.
THIS is Taking back your power. Understanding that you have the choice of how to respond (or not) to whatever is going on inside or around you.
Not one person in this specific instance did anything to make me feel this way. (In fact, I was told NOT to risk my safety and to stay home); rather, these are OLD PATTERNS that are just being asked to be paid attention to. OPPORTUNITIES for growth.
So here I sit, grateful for the opportunity to address this part of me that still needs to love herself a little more.
It’s time I play with the theme of ‘Disapproval’ again-something I remember exploring when I was training in Expressive Arts Therapy.
And this is why I love and live for Expressive Arts and also Mindfulness Practices. It allows for the uncovering of these hidden roots, and expressing ourselves around topics such as ‘Disapproval’ helps with the healing process.
It’s so easy to say “I’m done trying to please everyone. I’m finished seeking everyone else’s approval.’ But it’s quite another thing to take the action behind those words.
It is a Process, a Process, a Process. And the more awareness we have, the more we practice the art of self-love, self-acceptance, self-confidence, the better it gets.
Here’s to my growth, and Yours.